


Fast Bike

by Tommykaine



Series: Hang the DJ [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And mutual sexual attraction between he and Sirius when he's 16, Angst, Angst and Humor, Background Het, Background Relationships, Bittersweet, Dysfunctional Relationships, However there are no explicit sex scenes, I did not tag underage because i was not sure of whether it applied, If that would disturb you please do not read, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Past Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Sirius Black Lives, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Slashorific Writing Challenge, Some Fluff, There is a non-explicit scene where Harry is 17, Underage Drinking, Underage Kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 14:02:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15511449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tommykaine/pseuds/Tommykaine
Summary: Sirius has a flying bike, Harry wants a ticket to anywhere else.Maybe together they can get somewhere...AU in which Sirius, declared innocent after PoA, comes to get Harry from the Dursleys.Harry thinks he has finally found a place he belongs to, but can things really work out so easily?





	Fast Bike

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the slashorific fest, the prompt I chose was Tracy Chapman's Fast Car.
> 
> Many thanks for the mods for warning me when I mixed up the deadline date and almost didn’t submit my story <3 thank you so much for giving me the chance to still participate despite my carelessness. 
> 
> This is an AU in which Sirius does not die and is declared innocent after PoA. There are also a few other changes and the "rule" of Harry needing to stay with the Dursleys every summer does not apply.

 

_You got a fast car, I want a ticket to anywhere_ __  
_Maybe we’ll make a deal_ __  
_Maybe together we can get somewhere._ __  
_Anyplace is better,_ __  
_Starting from zero got nothing to lose_ __  
_Maybe we'll make something_ _  
_ _Me, myself I got nothing to prove_

 

[Tracy Chapman- Fast Car]

 

 

Back then at the Dursley’s, when he said anywhere would be better than there, Harry was sure he had really meant it.

Of course, back then he hadn’t really expected an enormous, clearly magical flying motorbike to show up in front of him out of nowhere, driven by none other but Notorious Criminal Sirius Black.

“Hello Harry”, the man said, eyes shining in a face that once must have been handsome but at the moment looked like he had aged too fast, too soon. “You look like you are in trouble.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on the run?”, Harry asked him, not knowing what else to say in that situation. His grip on his wand tightened, and he was ready to disarm the stranger and run off in the dark if he had to. The main thing that stopped him was the fact that he didn't exactly have anywhere to run to, and that this wasn't the first time a suspicious-looking stranger turned out to be an ally.

“Are you?”, was the man’s reply, his lips spreading in a somewhat deranged-looking grin. “I don’t know where you were planning to go like this, but I know I can get you there much faster than a broomstick. Or anything else really, short of Apparating there”.

On a normal day, Harry would have known better than to trust weird strangers, not to mention a wanted criminal. Then again, chances were he himself was already a wanted criminal given what had happened with his aunt.

“Why should I trust you?”, he asked him, wondering why he was feeling much less hesitant than he should have been in that situation. He had enough common sense to know that the situation was sketchy, yet somehow he didn’t feel threatened by the other. Then again, his experience with Tom Riddle’s diary proved that he wasn’t the best judge of character.

“You probably shouldn’t”, the man conceded with a shrug, but then he continued “I was friend with your parents. James was… more of a brother to me than my real one. We used to get in trouble together all the time, so I know a thing or two about being in trouble. It would only be fair of me to help you out of yours.”

Harry knew that he shouldn’t have said yes. He could already hear Hermione’s voice screaming in his ear, asking him if he was insane – and maybe he was, but after surviving Voldemort for two years straight and then having to spend a full summer with the Dursleys anyone would be. Driving off with a wanted criminal who claimed to be a friend of his father didn’t seem all that crazy after all that had already happened to him so far.

“Where to?”, the man asked once Harry had seated himself in the sidecar.

“Any place is better, really”, he muttered under his breath. Then he thought of his original plan. “Can you take me to London? I need to get to the Gringotts”

“I’ll take you as close as I can”, the man replied as he started the engine, the roar nearly covering his next words “But you’ll have to be quick”.

“WITH WHAT?”, Harry shouted to be heard over the sound.

“With your leave”, came the reply. “I’d hate to get caught now. I’ve got… unfinished business to sort out”.

Something in his voice didn’t sound right when he said that. It made Harry question whether he had made the right choice. But it was too late. The bike was speeding up, going so fast that he could barely see anything around him, everything turning into a confused blur of lights and colours.

Harry knew he was supposed to feel scared, but the more that man sped up the more he was feeling exhilarated. He didn’t know what he would do from then on, but at least he would not be spending another moment with the Dursleys for the rest of that summer.

 

 

~~~

 

 

The following summer came and so did Sirius, barging in one day with no prior warning.

Needless to say the Dursley didn’t take it well, with Uncle Vernon turning bright purple before he recognized the man’s face, and then he immediately paled and almost seemed to deflate like a balloon, babbling incoherently for a few moments.

“P-Petunia, call the police...”, was all he managed to blurt out as he walked backwards, stumbling on a chair and falling on his rather large bottom with a loud thud.

Even if Sirius’s face hadn’t been plastered on the news for the past year he wouldn’t have had any chance of making a positive impression on Harry’s uncle and aunt, what with his muggle attire which seemed to consist of an entire cow’s worth of leather, not to mention his sunglasses and the long black hair they were resting upon.

Then again if the man had had any intent to impress the two to begin with, this changed as soon as he heard Vernon’s tone towards Harry as the large man yelled at him, his expression turning from a friendly and warm smile to an angry scowl that made a chill run down Harry’s spine, reminding him of the way his godfather had looked at Peter Minus.

“Harry, let’s go get your things. You’re coming with me”, Sirius said, his eyes darting from Petunia and Vernon with a look that seemed to dare them to say something against it just so that he could show them exactly what he thought of that.

It wasn’t a question or even a proposal, but that suited Harry perfectly well. For years he’d wished for nothing more but to get away from his uncle and aunt, so he wasn’t exactly going to protest now. Therefore he was more than happy to guide Sirius towards his room – or rather, his cupboard, which was a discovery that made Sirius’s lips grow so thin they practically disappeared, hand twitching near the pocket in which he kept his wand.

Fearing he might end up doing something regrettable, Harry grasped on it and felt it squeeze his own hand hard, almost painfully. However when he looked up at him Sirius was smiling again, his voice sounding a lot less harsh this time when he urged him to get everything he would need in his trunk and leave anything unnecessary behind.

“For Merlin’s sake, leave those socks here. I will buy you fifty new pairs before I let you walk around with _those_ while you’re living with me”, he remarked when he saw Harry pick up a pair of socks so old and full of holes that they looked like they had more stitches than original fabric.

“I can’t believe you had to live like this for fifteen years. I’ve seen cells in Azkaban that were bigger than this”, he couldn’t help but remark once they were done packing and he had resized the trunk so that Harry could carry it one-handed, his tone so low and angry he was practically growling. “Let’s get out of here before those Muggles give me reason to be sent back there”.

Neither his uncle nor aunt even attempted to stop them as they walked out, his aunt letting out an horrified shriek when she peeked out of the window as they got on the bike and realized he had parked it right on top of her flowering cress.

Sirius’s only response to that was to curve his lips into a devious grin before starting his bike and driving all around the meticulously primped garden, making sure to leave behind as much havoc and destruction as he could before the bike took off and flew up in the blink of an eye, letting out a barking laughter.

Harry couldn’t help but laugh as well, imagining how furious Vernon had to be in that moment, and best of all he’d be completely helpless to do anything about it nor make either of them pay. He would only have to stew in his own anger with Petunia.

“Wish we could have seen their faces!”, Sirius remarked, echoing Harry’s thoughts at the moment. “Serves them right. I bet they took better care of that garden than they ever did with you”.

Harry couldn’t argue with that. His heart felt much lighter knowing he wouldn’t have to go back to his so-called room ever again. He had always tried to tell himself it’d be easier knowing that in only a few years he’d be out of there and on his own, but it never really made it any better.

Now, however, he was sure that things could only get better from then on.

He still couldn’t believe that he came so close to losing his godfather forever just a few months earlier, and now he was going to get to live with him. He already knew he was going to be happier there, after all anything would be better than the Dursleys, but it wasn’t only that: finally he would get to have something like a real family.

He and Sirius might have no one left but each other, but maybe together they could make something out of nothing.

He was sure that they could.

 

~

 

The day Harry would get back to Hogwarts was drawing near and for the first time the boy-who-lived almost wished he didn’t have to, even if Grimmauld Place wasn’t exactly the most cheerful of places. Still, with the help of Ron and Hermione as well as his godfather, they had managed to make it look a lot more hospitable – even if they couldn’t find a way to get rid of the portrait of Walburga Black, much to Sirius’s chagrin.

He wasn’t sure of what he had expected from him, but living with his godfather was more like he imagined living with an older brother or an eccentric roommate would be rather than a parental figure. There were no established bedtimes nor any rule against eating nothing but salted crisps for an entire day. The only punishment he would get was hearing the man laugh his arse off as Harry's digestive system rebelled against the crisps-and-pumpkin-juice diet by subjecting him to the worse case of the shits he ever had the misfortune to experience, causing him to spend most of the following day in the bathroom.

Sirius’s attitude towards most rules in general seemed to be that they were either arbitrary or best learned through experience, unless it came to anything particularly dangerous.

In fact at times Harry was the one who ended up persuading him against being too reckless, like the time where the man decided to teach him how to make a homemade Firewhisky-based cocktail, and after letting Harry have a taste of it and trying out quite a few glasses himself he seemed to think it would be the best time for a ride together on his flying bike.

Harry ended up having to snatch the keys from him and running away to the nearest park, only to be chased by Sirius and pushed down on the grass, rolling around and snickering together under the stars while the man attempted and failed to get up.

“Alright, alright, maybe I am a bit drunk”, the man admitted as he let himself fall down again and pulled Harry in closer, one hand resting in the unruly mass of black hair and petting him in a way that made the boy feel even warmer than the alcohol.

He too reached out to stroke Sirius’s hair, which was now cut short and made him look much tidier. Overall his appearance had changed almost completely from when Harry first met him, regaining much of his previous good looks even if his teeth still had a yellow tint to them and his face still had a lingering tiredness to it, like he never quite got enough sleep.

Then again, Harry knew that wasn't far from the truth...

 

He often found him awake at night, sometimes reading and looking fairly content, but sometimes kept awake by unpleasant thoughts that he didn’t want to discuss with him no matter how much he insisted. A couple times he had found him collapsed on the sofa, holding an empty bottle of Firewhisky and reeking of alcohol, and every time Sirius had apologized to him for letting himself go like that.

Harry could tell that despite the fact that he had been acquitted from all accusations, the man still wasn’t free. He could hear him crying in his sleep sometimes, or screaming from a nightmare. He used to rush to him to try and wake him up at first, but once Sirius had almost struck him with a curse and from then on he had always locked the door and forbidden him from coming into his room if he was asleep, worried of accidentally attacking him.

Ron had found the story of the incident quite amusing, but Hermione had seemed highly worried and suggested that maybe he shouldn’t be living with him alone, that he wasn’t well-adjusted enough yet. He had to convince her not to say anything to Ron’s relatives or anyone else who might decide to take Sirius away from him, and from then on he had avoided talking about his worries regarding his godfather’s behaviour around her.

He was sure that it would get better with time. He only had to be patient.

 

“I’m really not cut out for this parent thing. Between me and James he was always the responsible one”, Sirius admitted, distracting Harry from his musings. He sounded wistful and almost apologetic as he continued. “I know I’m not the best you could get but I couldn’t leave you there. I can’t be worse than that right?”.

He sounded more like he wanted to convince himself than Harry, who didn’t need to be convinced in the first place and instead scooted in closer and pulled him into a tight hug.

“You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me”, he told him, his voice cracking and his eyes a bit damper than usual as he tried to fight back the tears that pricked at the corners of them, the alcohol making him more prone to be swayed by his emotion than usual. “So don’t talk like that. I don’t care that you’re not like my father. I’m not expecting you to be my dad, I just want you to be… you”.

Sirius smiled widely, his hand carding through Harry’s hair as he leaned in even closer, his breath smelling like alcohol and pineapple juice. Harry smiled back, feeling that hand grasp on his hair before the other’s mouth was pressed against his own, and maybe it was because of the Firewhisky but his lips parted and he closed his eyes, feeling Sirius’s tongue caressing his bottom lip at some point in the kiss.

When the older male pulled back he let out a small sound of surprise and shock, as if he only just realized what he had done, and hurried to get up before Harry could stop him.

“Sirius…?”

Harry looked at him as Sirius started walking away, a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“Come on, we’re gonna get cold!”, the man said, his tone sounding a bit too cheerful to be genuine. “Let’s get back inside”.

Harry got up with some difficulty, running after him to keep up with his pace.

Neither of them said a word as they made their way back home, and Harry didn’t know how to feel about what happened between them, but he knew it was not supposed to happen.

Still, that night he kept thinking about the man’s lips that tasted of Firewhisky and juice, about the way his growing beard had scratched his chin and his hand had grasped on his hair as if to keep him in place, and every time his face heated up and his whole body tingled.

This happened again and again, even sneaking into his dreams in some occasions, and when he woke up he would find an unexpected “surprise” in the front of his pants, and later he would be unable to look at Sirius in the eyes for several hours.

Somehow, when the time came to get back to Hogwarts he was both relieved and upset at the same time…

 

 

~~~

 

 

As grateful as Harry was to not have to go back to the Dursleys, he would have expected to enjoy the first summer he spent without having to set foot in their house a lot more than he actually did.

For starters there was the matter of the Ministry treating him like a fool, using the media to make him seem like a charlatan. Then there was the fact that he was no longer living alone with Sirius, and in part that wasn’t so bad because he loved to spend time with Ron and Hermione and several of the members of the Order, but even them treated him like a child and didn’t allow him to participate in their meetings despite Sirius’s protests.

And then there was Snape.

If Harry thought he had hated him when they were in school, well that was nothing in comparison to how much he despised him now. It wasn’t enough that he treated him like crap, he had to try and rile up Sirius too, and then when he managed to make him snap he used that as proof that he was too unstable to handle anything important and not to be trusted with careful matters.

Harry was furious with him and the worst thing was that no one else seemed to care about it, except maybe Ron and Hermione, but even they couldn’t understand like he did! Sirius was unwell, and it would be fine if he had been given the space to deal with it on his own but Snape kept prodding and prodding and Harry could tell he tried, could tell he was doing his best, but the other man was driving him mad!

And the worst thing was he couldn’t do much to help. If he tried to intervene Snape mocked Sirius for having to be defended by a child and not being enough of a man to handle his own problems, making sure to guilt trip him whenever he lost his temper and Harry had to pull him back and stop him from hexxing his teacher.

“What a fine example to give your godson, Black”, Snape sneered at him one of the last times when Sirius had ditched his wand and instead slammed him against the wall, with Harry grasping onto his other arm to stop him from pummeling the other into a bloody pulp. Even as he was cornered and his breath was constricted from the other’s grasp, his lips were curled into the most unpleasant shit-eating grin. “You always liked to use your force to compensate for your insecurity, I see you haven’t changed at all. How sad… rather than babysitting Potter’s brat it looks more like he’s the one who has to take care of an overgrown child.”

Harry had to hold back from letting go at those words, but he knew Sirius would take the fall if he did. The other adults could tell there was something off about him, but unlike Harry they were less understanding about it, seeing it as a danger and as a weakness. If they thought he could not be trusted to deal with it on his own then they would send him to the Healers, and Harry couldn’t allow that. He knew Sirius would only feel worse trapped in San Mungo, he knew it would remind him of Azkaban and any progress made since the last summer would be completely wrecked.

He had tried to talk to Sirius, to reassure him that Snape was wrong and that he was there for him if he needed, but he could feel that Sirius was holding back and trying to put distance between them. Hermione reasoned that he probably felt embarrassed and guilty about leaning on him for support, plus he should not be the one taking care of his godfather, and in fact she tried to argue that maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to consult a Healer.

“I know you’re worried about him but this isn’t something you should have to deal with! You can’t be responsible for him. And if he really is unwell then a Healer would know what to do”.

Ron was more unsure and took Harry’s side, but he also didn’t think that there was much he could do. Plus given how every time they went back to school something horribly dangerous involving Voldemort always ended up happening he would have enough to worry about without having to stress over whether Sirius could deal with his own problems. Besides that was probably the sort of thing that an adult would know how to handle, rather than a student.

Harry was worried that he was right, however the only adult he felt he could trust and confide in to some extent was Lupin, also because he had been Sirius’s close friend in the past. However he also wasn’t doing too well, between the fact that he couldn’t find a job thanks to the new regulations put in act by the Ministry and the stress of whatever secret mission he had been entrusted with, so there was only so much he could expect from him.

“You really are James’s son. He also was always worrying about Sirius”, Lupin told him at some point, giving him a reassuring smile as they talked in front of a cup of tea. “They were really close you know? Sometimes I even felt a bit jealous”. His tone got quieter and melanchonic, but then he noticed Harry’s expression and smiled again. “Ah, I’m sorry. That was really unnecessary. I know you two are both very attached to each other, and I’m glad he can be there for you, but this isn’t something you can fix for him. I know what it’s like to struggle with unpleasant thoughts, and I’ll try to be there for him as much as I can, but he’s not going to… well, he’s not the type to talk it out and lay his feelings bare in front of the ones he loves. He’s more the type that bottles things up and deals with it in his own way. It's hard to help someone that doesn’t let himself be helped”.

The more Harry tried to think of what he could do or tried to seek advice, the more helpless he felt, and the more he tried to insist and get Sirius to talk the more distance the man put between them.

Harry didn’t understand why he was acting like that and it frustrated him to no end. Sometimes he wondered if it also had anything to do with what happened during the previous summer, and he felt his heart race at the memory. He still didn’t know what to think of that, nor why Sirius had done it, and it wasn’t like he could ask someone about it. Even if he had tried to keep it vague he was worried that someone might figure who he was talking about, and then they really would lock Sirius up for good.

Harry wasn’t naive enough not to know that it would sound really bad. He knew that kissing on the lips was different from other types of kissing, and that you were not supposed to kiss someone much older than yourself. If anyone else knew, they would think that Sirius was dangerous and should be kept away from him, but it had only been a kiss, and it never had happened again. Was it really that bad?

Plus, they were both men… wasn’t that wrong? The Dursley had always avoided the argument and treated it like an abomination, but then again they had done the same with magic, so who knew. All he knew was that he couldn’t help but think about it every now and then, and that sometimes he found himself wishing it would happen again, even if the thought made him feel horribly guilty.

 

~

 

Christmas vacations were approaching and Harry was somehow both happy and dreading to see Sirius again.

Happy because he had missed him, and couldn’t wait to spend more time with him. Yet he already worried about what state he would be in. He’d heard he was drinking more often while he hadn’t been there, and that Mrs Weasley was very annoyed by that. He didn’t know if he would still keep his distance from him or not.

Also… he didn’t know how to feel about what happened with Cho. He still remembered kissing her as clearly as he remembered kissing Sirius, and he had expected it to feel similar but… it couldn’t even compare. He had felt nothing of the excitement and the spark that he’d experienced when Sirius kissed him, and his stomach hadn’t been tied into knots in the same way afterwards, and it hadn’t left his whole body flushed and warm and tingly in all sorts of awkward places.

He was starting to wonder if it was really Cho that he wanted, but that… well, he could not possibly want Sirius in _that_ way, could he? It was wrong. They were family, in a way, even if they weren’t actually related by blood. Or at least not closely. He was sure that if anyone knew of it they would think he was insane.

 

Then, the whole snake incident happened and didn’t leave Harry with much time nor energy to worry about anything else for a while. He was too busy being terrified he might somehow attack someone else in his sleep and no matter how much everyone he confided in had tried to reassure him, he still couldn’t ignore his fear.

At least Sirius had stopped pushing him off, instead making sure to spend as much time with him as possible and keeping his mind off by playing Wizard’s Chess with him or listening to his grievances about school and in particular Umbridge’s antics, or asking him to help him decorate the house for Christmas.

He also had stopped drinking, or at least Harry hadn’t seen him get drunk nor leave the place only to come back much later the next day smelling like booze, as he had feared he would. And sometimes, when they both felt too suffocated staying inside and had enough of everyone else, Sirius took him for a ride on his bike.

Mrs Weasley strongly disapproved of that, and she would disapprove even more if she learned that Sirius had stopped making him ride in the sidecar and allowed him to sit behind him instead.

He would make him hold tight before roaring off in the distance, letting their laughters fill the air as the wind whistled around them, with Harry pressing his face against Sirius’s broad back and closing his eyes, feeling himself get dizzy and excited at the same time, like that time when he had gotten tipsy except this was a hundred times better.

It reminded him of the way he felt when he first got on it with him, after running away from the Dursleys. He felt so free and like his worries were all so far away, like there was no one else in the world but he and Sirius and that was right where he belonged, and nothing could ever take take that away from him.

 

 

~~~

 

 

The next summer came and Harry had never felt so terrified and relieved at the same time.

It was the second time he came close to losing Sirius forever, but the first time could not even come close to compare. He hadn’t known Sirius like he did now, hadn’t felt the way he did towards him now.

There was no denying it any longer: Harry knew that he loved him and not like he could have loved a brother or a parent. When once he would have wished that Sirius could be a father to him, now he was grateful that he wasn’t.

And now he was the one who tossed in bed, sleepless, until Sirius came to wake him up and told him he’d heard him screaming.

Much like he’d been tormented by Cedric’s death before, sometimes dreaming of a himself who managed to push him away and save him from the Killing Curse only to wake up and realize it was only a dream, he kept having nightmares of a himself that didn’t warn Sirius in time, that didn’t run after him to pull him back when the man tripped and almost slipped beyond the veil.

As for how the incident affected Sirius, it was hard to tell. On the surface, his mood seemed much less sour than it had been for the whole time he’d been stuck there with the Order – and a certain member of it in particular. Even so, Harry didn’t trust his seemingly careless facade and was sure there was more to it than it appeared. Trying to talk to him about it however proved to be a fruitless attempt, as the man always was quick to redirect the subject to other things.

Over time, Harry found that maybe it was better not to think about it. Sirius was alive and well, that was all that really mattered to him.

 

As the Order seemed to trust him more now that he seemed to not be quite as unstable as before, the man would sometimes be gone for days and could not tell Harry why, something that he didn’t seem to like any more than Harry did. Despite the fact that he was turning sixteen and a year from then would be a full-fledged adult by Wizard standards, he still was not allowed to be fully involved.

Sirius ensured him that soon this would change and if it were for him there would be no secrets, but it was a meagre consolation for the boy-who-lived.

As a way to cheer him up, Sirius had decided to teach him in secret how to drive his bike, something that Harry was sure would have driven Mrs Weasley insane and probably a fair share of other adults too. He was quite sure Lupin would not be too amused by it either, for starters. He didn’t seem to like the way Sirius acted around Harry, frequently reminding him that he was no longer a teenager so he should not be acting like one. There seemed to be something about their relationship that irked him. He almost seemed jealous somehow, but of what Harry was not sure.

Speaking of relationships, Sirius had seemingly overheard something about him fancying a girl at Hogwarts, and once when he had taken him for a drive and they ended up resting on the grass of a large field and staring up at the sky he had turned around and stared at him with a sly grin, asking him how far things had gone with her.

Harry didn’t even know what to say at first, but eventually he confessed his disastrous attempt at dating and how the kiss he shared with her didn’t feel like anything special.

“Aw, bummer. Guess she wasn’t the right girl”, Sirius commented with a shrug, before resting his back against the grass again.

“Maybe,” Harry said, gulping loudly and feeling his heart hammering in his chest, his voice sounding almost like it wasn’t coming out of his mouth. “Maybe there’s not a right _girl_ ”.

“What do you mean?”, the other asked, and Harry had to force himself to continue.

“Well... maybe the right one isn’t, uhm...”, he murmured, feeling very grateful of the fact that his godfather wasn’t looking at him because he was sure he was as red as a beet in that moment. “...isn't a girl”.

There was a long moment of silence, long enough for Harry to regret saying anything, long enough for him to not want to see what expression the other was sporting in that moment, fearing it would be one of disgust.

“You know”, Sirius finally said after what seemed like an eternity. “Remus and I had… a thing, back when we were young. Didn’t last long though, mostly because back then I was an idiot and I didn’t really do relationships so I had no prior experience of how to be with someone like that. I think James had an idea of what was going on but never really said anything. Eventually I cut things off and it got real awkward. We’ve never really been the same since”.

Of all the things Harry had expected his godfather to say, that was not one of them.

“You and Lupin…?”, he asked, surprised. Then again, it kind of made sense. He guessed he could see it now that he knew about it, but the two didn’t seem to be… well, like that. “Even now?”

“Oh no no, that’s all in the past”, Sirius replied, letting out a small laugh. “Besides he’s after Miss Pink Hair”.

“Tonks?!”. Harry couldn’t help but sit up and look at him in shock. “Really?”

Sirius sat up as well and shrugged.

“They make an odd couple, but who am I to judge?”, he said. “I’m sure she fancies him too. But if she’s waiting for him to make the first move then she might as well wait for Voldemort to waltz in the Ministry unarmed and let himself get arrested”.

He paused for a while, seemingly lost in thought.

“He’s making the same mistake I did and it’s really frustrating to see it and know there’s no way for him to understand until she will slip away”.

“What mistake?”, Harry asked, unable to hold back his curiosity as he stared at him, studying his expression.

“Caring about what anyone else thinks about it”, Sirius replied, smiling when he saw Harry’s surprised expression. “Oh I know it sounds ridiculous. Me of all people, giving a damn about appearances. But it was different times, and I was young and stupid… well, stupider. I don’t know how it is for Muggles but two Wizards or two Witches together still isn’t something you see everyday. It tends to attract attention, and often not positive. I was already an outsider but this was something else, you know?”.

Harry didn’t know what to say so he simply nodded. He wasn’t fully sure of how to even process everything he had just learned. It seemed that Sirius regretted what had happened, and Harry couldn’t help but wonder if he was still in love with Lupin, feeling a pang of jealousy at the thought.

“So who it is?”, Sirius inquired, the sly grin once again returning on his face. “Is it a Weasley?”

“No!”, Harry quickly replied, his face turning bright red again. “Why would you-”

“Just wondering if you shared James’s taste. He had a thing for redheads”, Sirius shrugged again. “Also given there’s so many of them I keep losing count, out of sheer probability there must be at least one of them that’s your type”.

“It’s not-”, Harry replied, then he cut himself off as he realized that if he kept ruling out options Sirius would eventually figure it out. “Look, it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t… we couldn’t be together anyway. It would be a terrible idea”. He looked away as he spoke, his voice lowering down to a whisper. Suddenly he almost felt like crying, but he didn’t want to cry in front of Sirius.

The man sighed, placing his hand on his shoulder and pulling him in closer, making his heart race as he felt the other’s warm body against his. He could smell his aftershave and somehow it reminded him of their first – and only – kiss. He couldn’t help but wish that the man would lean down and kiss him like that again, but he knew it wouldn’t and it shouldn’t happen.

“Now you’re sounding almost like Remus. What’s so bad about this guy that you can’t be with him? Is he a former Death Eater?”

“No!”, Harry sounded quite offended that he would even think that.

“Then he can’t be that bad”, Sirius concluded. “Wait, it’s not that Malfoy guy is it?”

“Ew!”. Harry grimaced at the mental image. He never had even considered the option and now he wished he never had to. It would probably haunt him in his worst nightmares.

“Thank Merlin”, Sirius sounded quite relieved. “But really, what is the issue with him then?”.

“Nothing, it’s not… there’s nothing bad about him”, Harry replied, feeling incredibly awkward as he tried to dance around it. “But I can’t do this to him. It would not be fair. I can’t put him in that position”.

“Oh I’m sure there’s plenty more positions he’d enj-”, Sirius started, interrupting himself when he saw Harry’s look. “Sorry. Sometimes my mouth goes too fast and I speak before I think”.

Neither of them said anything for a while, and Harry focused on Sirius’s hand that was caressing his shoulder and back, resting his head against his chest right below his neck. If he had looked up and moved a bit closer, it would be exactly the right position for a kiss, he couldn’t help but think, and his stupid, hopeful body got all warm at the thought, blood rushing to places that he’d rather not think about at the moment or it would become even worse.

Of all people, why did it have to be him? If it had to be a Wizard then couldn’t he have a normal crush for someone his age instead of a man old enough to be his father and who in fact had known his father when he was his age? Why did it have to be someone he cared for so much already and had already risked to lose twice? Wasn’t that enough without having to fear he would drive him away if he knew?

“It would ruin things”, he finally said, still not looking at him in the face. Also because he was worried he wouldn’t be able to hold back if he did.

“Harry, if learning that you love him would ‘ruin’ anything for that person, then there was nothing worth being afraid of ‘ruining’ in the first place”, Sirius told him, and Harry wished he could believe him but he knew he had no idea. He meant well, but he couldn’t possibly still mean it if he knew.

“You don’t understand”, he said, sounding as well as feeling tired. He regretted getting into that conversation with him. He shouldn’t have taken the bait.

“Then explain it to me”, Sirius insisted, and Harry wanted to groan but instead he shook his head and finally glanced up, and Sirius’s face was right in front of him and _so close_...

“No, you wouldn’t… you don’t want to know, really”.

“Try me”

Harry opened his mouth to reply again, but then he changed his mind. Driven in part by instinct and in part by frustration, he grasped on Sirius’s face with both hands and pulled him in for a kiss, his heart beating so loudly in his ears that he feared he would go deaf.

At least then he wouldn’t have to hear the disgust in his voice once he pulled back. He was sure he would have been angry at him, maybe even disappointed, but in that moment it didn’t matter. As long as that kiss didn’t end, he wouldn’t have to worry about it.

Sirius’s hand slipped in his hair and grasped on it, and Harry thought he would pull him back but instead he held him there in place, and then there was something caressing Harry’s lips and demanding access and he realized _he was being kissed back_.

Sirius wasn’t rejecting him, he was asking for more.

If it was possible to die from sheer relief, Harry was sure he would have died in that instant.

As he spread his lips and tried to keep up with the kiss, hoping his lack of experience would not make things awkward, Harry wrapped his arms around the other’s chest and let himself be pushed down against the grass, his whole body burning up and tingling like those nights in which he had been unable to stop thinking about his first kiss. He felt nervous at the thought of what Sirius could do, but he trusted him not to hurt him so he didn’t fight it.

“You were right”, Sirius said once he finally pulled back, sounding as if he was out of breath. “It _is_ a terrible idea”. Then he grinned deviously and whispered. “That’s my _favourite_ kind of idea”.

“So you’re not mad?”, Harry asked, still not quite believing this was actually happening.

“Oh I am raving mad, or else I would not even consider doing something like this”, Sirius replied, still sporting the same mischievous expression. “James would kill me, for starters. And honestly I wouldn’t be the best catch even if I had your same age. Probably would have been even worse then.”

“I don’t care”, Harry replied, tightening his hold on him. He wasn’t going to let him go now that he knew he felt the same. Or at least he figured he did. That had to be why he didn’t run away in horror, right?

“Then you too are just as mad”, Sirius told him. “However...” - and he gently disentangled himself from Harry’s hold, moving so that he would be laying to his side instead of on top of him - “...If I’m going back to Azkaban it’s not going to be because I ravished my godson before he was of age. So I think we should head back before either of us gets too tempted”.

Harry flushed bright red, realizing that Sirius had glanced down between his legs where he was sporting a very visible erection. Glancing down and to the side, he was surprised to discover that the same was true for the other. Knowing that he had that effect on him was something that thrilled him and at the same time made him a bit anxious.

A part of him had been disappointed by the fact that Sirius intended to stop there, but in truth he was glad. If Sirius had tried to go further he probably would have let him, but he wasn’t sure that they should and he couldn’t deny that he was scared at the idea. He didn’t even know how two men could do… certain things together. He had a vague idea, sure, but the details were still fuzzy.

“Come on”, Sirius said, getting up first before helping him up to his feet. “Let’s see if you can drive us back home!”

“What?! I can barely go in a straight line yet!”

“You’ve been doing great so far”

“I nearly crashed into a bird last time!”

“Pidgeons are pests anyway. Not a big loss”

“ _Sirius!”_

 

_~_

 

When Christmas finally came that year, Harry was very relieved to be able to get away from Hogwarts for a while. He hated to admit it, but for once he was also glad to not be around Ron and Hermione every day. Hopefully after the holidays things would be less tense between them, and maybe they would finally make up. Albeit Harry suspected that the situation was not going to change as long as Ron was dating Lavanda, and he wasn’t sure of whether things would be any less awkward if his two friends ended up getting together.

Not that Ron and Hermione’s romantic exploits were his only nor his main worry; between the mystery of the Prince’s identity, Dumbledore’s secret lessons and Slughorn’s stubbornness in trying to get closer to him that was only rivalled by that of the girls who had taken a liking to him, Harry had no shortage of things that had kept his mind occupied.

Coming back to Sirius and the familiar laid-back atmosphere of their house and not having to stress about any of his worries for a while was nothing short of a godsend. That said, he did have the occasion to discuss some of them with him face-to-face and not just through the occasional letter, which lead to discovering that his father was in fact not the Half-Blood Prince. It would have been a lie to say that he didn’t feel a bit disappointed from the discovery, also because it meant he still had no idea of finding out the true identity of the Prince.

Much to his annoyance, rather than being jealous Sirius was amused by his sudden popularity with the girls and remarked that James too had no shortage of girls who had the hots for him due to his popularity and his Quidditch skills, and in Harry’s case it was bound to be even worse given that he was pretty much a celebrity.

“Not like I can blame them for having good taste”, the older man noted as he held him from behind and nuzzled his hair, making his body temperature rise in a matter of seconds. “You have grown up quite a lot too. Makes me wonder exactly how much of you has grown up over the summer”.

The suggestive tone of those last words and the chuckle that followed didn't leave any doubt as to what he meant, and Harry was torn between the temptation to tell him he wouldn’t mind showing him and the fact that he still felt intimidated, seeing as he was so clumsy and inexperienced while Sirius had clearly had no shortage of lovers in the past. Even just being kissed by him still made Harry’s knees go weak and his heart feel like it would explode in his chest, and whenever the other man’s hands wandered on his body he could feel himself burning up and his pants become much tighter and uncomfortable on his crotch. If he was struggling to keep up when they were making out, he had no idea of how he would handle anything further than that.

On his part, Sirius hadn’t tried to push the issue and always stopped things before they went too far, but Harry could tell he was not indifferent to his attentions. He could feel his arousal press against his body whenever their hugs and cuddles started to get more passionate, and sometimes he would excuse himself to the bathroom or to his own room and Harry was pretty sure it was to take care of it by himself.

He wasn’t sure if the reason why Sirius held back was that he could tell that he was nervous or if it was a way to hold on to some semblance of responsibility by not crossing the line while he was still sixteen. Even if by Muggle standards he would be of age to consent, Harry was not sure of how things worked in the Wizarding world.

Either way, he was equal parts grateful and frustrated by the situation and didn’t know whether to listen to the inner voice that told him to not make a fool out of himself and do anything reckless or the one that told him to cut to the chase and show Sirius he could handle more than kissing and some light groping.

He still had recurring and incredibly vivid dreams, albeit now they were of a much different nature. In some of them he was the one who let his lust take over and seduced Sirius, but in some others it was his godfather who took charge and had his way with him, often rather forcefully. He was a bit concerned by the weird nature of his fantasies, since he was sure that he would feel scared if Sirius acted in the same way while he was awake, but somehow in his dreams it only made him more eager and responsive to his advances.

He had finally figured out the specifics of the many things that could be done between two Wizards thanks to some books sneaked in by some other Gryffindors, so now his fantasies were a lot less vague than they used to be, which also didn’t help dealing with the sexual frustration.

For this reason the fact that they’d been invited to The Burrow for Christmas was a relief in some ways, even if Harry wasn’t sure of how he and Sirius were going to be able to keep their hands off each other for two entire days.

They both had agreed that it was best to not let others know of their situation, also because Mrs Weasley would probably hex Sirius given how fiercely protective she was of Harry. She already disapproved of the fact that Sirius didn’t even try to act like a parent or a responsible adult for that matter, so she really didn’t need any more reasons to dislike him.

As for Ron and Hermione, Harry had meant to tell them but with the way things were he didn’t feel like adding his questionable love life to the mix of their relationship issues, especially since he was sure that Hermione would think both him and Sirius were reckless idiots and he didn’t want to end up fighting with her. The situation was already awkward enough as it was. He didn’t like keeping secrets from them but he still hadn't found the right time to bring up the topic.

At the news that Tonks wouldn’t be joining them Harry couldn’t help but look at Remus, trying to gauge his reaction. Much like her he looked more worn-out and stressed than he’d ever been, however that could also be because of his mission. Harry soon enough learned from him that he had to infiltrate a pack of werewolves allied with Voldemort and under the rule of the very man who attacked him and turned him into a werewolf when he was a child.

Harry tried to discuss his suspicions about Malfoy with him and Sirius but neither of the two seemed fully convinced, albeit Sirius was more open to the idea as he remembered what happened to his younger brother. It was not Draco’s young age that led him to be skeptical, but rather the fact that from what he heard of him from Harry during those years he didn’t sound like he’d have the guts to actually join Voldemort’s ranks. He figured he’d be the type to talk big but actually be terrified once he was face to face with the Dark Lord.

That led Harry to resent him a bit for discounting his arguments, which led him to be colder than usual towards him. That, and the fact that gestures that would have seemed innocent and normal once now sparked a different kind of response from him, and he was scared that everyone would be able to tell. Every time the man touched his shoulder or ruffled his hair he couldn’t help but turn red and feel his skin get warmer even when the hand moved away, as if the other’s body heat was still lingering there.

However, it seemed nobody noticed anything out of the ordinary, so after a while he started to relax. Especially once Fred and George opened some fancy wine they brought as a gift and started filling everyone’s glasses, the bubbles tickling his mouth long after he had swallowed the last drops.

Harry and Sirius had brought homemade chocolate chips cookies despite the fact that neither of them had ever tried to bake cookies before. As a result some of them were a bit burned but overall they turned out to be better than they looked. Harry had preferred to stick to the traditional round shape while Sirius had gotten more creative, at some point trying to make a Padfoot-shaped cookie which looked more like a squashed sheep.

“Drawing has never been my strong suit”, he admitted with a shrug in response to the amused reactions as people tried to interpret what each cookie was supposed to represent. The only one that would have left no doubts about its inspirational source was the one that Harry had refused to bring over, giving Sirius an unimpressed judging look while the man snickered like a grade-schooler over his penis-shaped cookie.

“You don’t appreciate art”, Sirius had protested, trying to pick up the cookie before Harry snatched it away.

“If anyone’s going to put your dick in their mouth then it better be me”, he retorted before taking a bite, enjoying the look of shock on Sirius’s face as he realized that he had his own prank turned against him, also because he wasn’t usually at the receiving end of the innuendos.

“Molly is right, I do have a bad influence on you. That joke was awful”

“I learned from the best!”

“What have I done?” Sirius shook his head, looking defeated. “James will never forgive me for this”.

By the time they all were done with the food everyone was so full they barely could move from their seats. Harry didn’t know if it was that or the wine, but he was starting to feel like he was about to collapse and fall asleep there. When Sirius moved in closer and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, Harry couldn’t help but rest his head against his body, letting all the voices around him fuse together in a sort of undistinguishable murmur that lulled him to a semi-awake state in which he was barely aware of anything but the comfort of his lover’s embrace.

“Aw, look at him”, Mrs Weasley cooed. “He’s sleeping on you like a baby”.

“Shh, don’t wake him… not before I get a picture”, George chimed in, running off to fetch his camera.

“He never slept in my arms as a baby”, Sirius noted with a laugh that rumbled through his chest, his breath tickling Harry’s hair and making him shiver. “But he did puke on me once”.

His hand was caressing Harry’s arm, and the younger man had to force himself to open his eyes in order to avoid falling asleep.

That’s when his gaze met Lupin’s, and it was like being dipped in ice-cold water.

The man was looking at them intently, eyes narrowing in suspicion, and Harry had to fight the urge to look down because he was worried that the other would take it as an open admission. Harry didn’t know how but in some way, it was as if something had clicked in Lupin's mind.

After they all started to help tidying up the place again and some guests got ready to leave, Harry noticed that Lupin hesitated and kept throwing glances at him and Sirius, looking like he wanted to say something. Harry tried to avoid his gaze but he could feel it on his skin like a physical touch, and even as the man finally left the uneasy feeling still lingered in Harry’s stomach, causing him to avoid getting too close to his godfather for the rest of their time there.

 

 

~~~

 

 

 

Harry hadn’t known if bringing Sirius along was the right decision, but it was too late to go back.

A part of him was relieved, as the thought of being apart from him and being unable to know about whether anything happened to him terrified him, however he still was scared that being with him would put him in even worse danger.

Sirius had rebuked any and all arguments Harry had tried to come up with to push him away and protect him, remembering how Voldemort had already tried to use his feelings for him against him once and how close he had come to losing him. In fact he still occasionally had nightmares about it, now more often than before.

In the end he had no real choice, as the other had made it fairly clear that he would be coming whether he liked it or not, and Harry knew the extent of his stubbornness. At least Ron and Hermione would also be safer with him, he had told himself as he finally gave up on convincing him. He had of course tried to make them desist too, with equally poor results.

He still felt guilty about the way they had departed from Lupin, when the man managed to reach them and tried to join their mission. He did not regret telling him to stay with his family, but he did regret the escalation, and he couldn’t forget the way Lupin glared at Sirius with the coldest look he’d ever seen on his face.

“Oh you’re the one to talk, are you, Padfoot?”, he had asked in a vitriolic, sarcastic tone that didn’t fit with the Lupin Harry had known until then. “What do you think James would have said to you if he knew? You think I can’t tell?”.

“Remus don’t you dare-”

“No, don’t _you_ dare try and teach me how to be a father! I should have hexed you on his behalf the moment I realized...”

“Then bring it!”

“Sirius, _no!_ ”, Harry intervened, jumping between the two men who had both drawn their wands and seemed to be about to fight, shouting obscenities at each other as they both tried to push him out of their way. Ron and Hermione also tried to defuse the situation, but eventually Remus managed to launch Sirius across the room before leaving, giving Harry one last furious glance that made him feel small and guilty.

His friends chastised both him and Sirius for their harsh words, eventually confessing they had both suspected the true nature of their relationship for a while, while Harry apologized for not saying anything sooner. They understood his reasons and were a lot more accepting than Harry had expected, albeit Hermione later on insisted to talk with him alone and questioned him on whether Sirius had tried to make him do anything he was uncomfortable with. Their disparity in age and Sirius’s impulsive and reckless character worried her, while Ron was clearly a bit weirded out by seeing a Wizard-on-Wizard relationship develop in front of him.

The redhead had once inquired about how far they went, seeming somewhat relieved when Harry revealed they hadn’t had the time nor the occasion to do anything in the first place since he got back from Hogwarts and that Sirius had always stopped before they got down to it before then.

“But… would you do it?”, Ron insisted, visibly grimacing at the thought. “Sounds like it’d be uncomfortable”.

“I...I don’t know”, Harry replied a bit too quickly, feeling his face heat up. He had thought of it before but he knew he and Sirius had more pressing urges at the moment so he never brought up the subject, no matter how tempted he was.

Then one night, the one before they all were about to leave their temporary haven to invade the Ministry and recover the stolen locket, he found Sirius in his old room which had been cleaned by Kreacher, but otherwise looked the same as before. He was laying in his old bed but he wasn’t asleep, instead he stared at the only moving photograph on the wall.

“Sometimes, I still can’t believe they’re all gone”, he told Harry as he noticed his presence, glancing at him with a wistful look. “And now I might have pushed Remus away for good, too”.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t be. You know he was right”, Sirius replied, shrugging. “About me and you, I mean. I know James would not approve. I was supposed to watch over you, not seduce you. And I shouldn’t have been so harsh on him. I know that he’s jealous. First he felt like I picked James over him, because I let my fear of what James could have thought get the best of me instead of standing my ground and proving I wasn’t ashamed of him. Now he probably feels like you picked me over him”.

Harry’s confusion must have been written all over his face, because Sirius smiled and shook his head.

“Not like he fancies you, to make things clear. But he cares for you and I know he wished he could be there for you more. Maybe he resents James, too, for thinking I was more suited to being your godfather than him, thinking he could have done a better job. And... he might be right.”

Harry had rarely seen Sirius look so lost and regretful, except for when he was drinking, but he didn’t smell of alcohol. Without saying a word, he took off his shoes and crawled up on the bed, curling up next to him and resting his head on his chest since the space was not too big.

He only rested there for a while, closing his eyes as Sirius held onto him and started petting his hair. He was quickly relaxing in his arms, but he still didn’t feel sleepy. He’d tried to, knowing how vital it was for everything to go well the next day, but he just couldn’t fall asleep.

“I’m happy that you are with me. And I’m sure… I’m sure Lupin will understand. Maybe not now, but in time. And he’ll be a great father”, he eventually said, trying to reassure the other man. “And I’m glad you are my godfather, even if it makes things weird. Else I’d have been stuck with my aunt and uncle until now”.

Sirius made a small horrified noise, no doubt remembering his brief encounter with the two, as well as everything that Harry had told him about them.

“I guess you’re right”, he replied, still not sounding fully convinced, but at least he wasn’t getting down on himself any longer.

Happy with that development, Harry climbed up on him and started kissing him, at first slowly and carefully, feeling his hesitation in the way his hands lingered on his hair and back without moving much, but after a while Sirius seemed to get into it and his warm hands even slipped underneath Harry’s shirt. The younger man felt shivers down his spine as if they’d been icy cold, his own hands following suit or at least trying to, as Sirius’s robe was much harder to slip his hands into. Growing frustrated with it, he eventually pulled out his wand and interrupted the kiss to murmur an incantation to unfasten and open the garment.

“Harry…,” Sirius whispered, but he didn’t say anything more than that, so Harry went back to kissing him while letting his hands roam across the man’s exposed chest, fingers brushing over the curly black hair that formed a line guiding down to his groin. He wasn’t surprised when, upon following it, he felt the other’s erection through his trousers. His hand hesitated just a few moments before grasping on it, making the other’s breath hitch, and Sirius pulled back from the kiss to look up at him.

“Are you...”

“Shh”

Harry tried to silence him with another kiss, which Sirius reciprocated, but after a few moments he stopped again to ask.

“Harry, are you sure?”

“No”, he replied, “but I’m not sure of what will happen after tomorrow either. For all we know this might be… it might be the last chance we have, you know?”.

Sirius looked at him for a long moment, and the hesitation was driving Harry insane.

“I understand”, the man finally said, his expression softening. “But we don’t have to if you don’t want”.

“I do”.

That seemed to be all the reassurance Sirius needed, as he barely waited enough to find his wand and cast a silencing spell.

 

 

~~~

 

**_Several years later..._ **

 

 

“Sirius? Sirius?”

The man seemed surprised to see him.

“Harry! Do you want to join in?”, he asked, raising a glass towards him. “The game is still going”, he said, pointing towards the radio that was currently announcing the results of that day’s Quidditch Match.

Harry pressed his lips into a thin line, hands clenched up at his sides to resist the rising urge to hex his boyfriend.

“I’ve been waiting for you for hours”, he said, in the same calm but firm tone he used to scold Teddy when he did something bad.

Sirius only seemed puzzled.

“I thought I told you I’d be here tonight?”, he said, scratching his head and furrowing his eyebrows.

“You did not”.

“Oh… whoops”.

Sirius was smiling and shrugging with his usual carefree air that Harry would once have found charming. Those days, the younger man found he was starting to grow weary of it.

“You were supposed to be watching Teddy”, he reminded him, and finally Sirius had the decency to look mortified.

“Oh damn, I completely forgot!”

“Yeah, no shit”, Harry sneered, sounding more hostile than he’d meant to.

“I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“Oh you never do”, Harry snapped before he could even finish, feeling his patience grow thin.

Sirius also seemed to be growing annoyed, and Harry could tell he was holding back from retaliating.

“I’ll come right away, just the time to pay for my share”, he assured him, but Harry waved his hand.

“I’ve already brought him to the Weasleys. I only came here in the hope that I would be wrong. So, keep going. I’ll be on my way”

“Wait!”

Harry heard a few of the other patrons snicker, someone cheerfully commenting “man you’re in trouble!” right before he left.

He had meant to Apparate back at home as soon as he was out from the door, but instead he marched onwards and counted how many steps it took before he got tired of waiting.

“WAIT!”, he could hear Sirius’s panicked scream after a few moments, running after him as fast as his legs could take him.

“ _Not enough”_ , Harry thought to himself and sighed, feeling Sirius’s arms wrap around him and his face pressed against his shoulder, his whole body shook by loud sobs that got them the attention of a few passers-by. He tried to keep himself rigid and not give in as he heard him blurt out excuse after excuse, the smell of alcohol wafting from his mouth with every word, but in the end he turned around and guided him back to his bike.

Things had never been perfect since they properly started going out, but Harry had told himself that it was only because they were still adjusting to the situation.

With everything that happened during the War it was a miracle they were both alive. Tonks and Remus hadn’t been so lucky, the latter barely having time to make peace with the couple and ask them to take care of their son if anything happened to them during the last battle.

They both barely made it through the end, with Harry fearing for the worst when at some point Sirius had broken off from the group to distract a group of Death Eaters that attacked them, giving Ron and Hermione the time to drag Harry away from the danger despite his attempts to reach Sirius. On his part, the other man nearly lost it during the battle at Hogwarts when everyone believed Harry to be dead, going berserk and wrecking as much destruction on Voldemort’s troops as he could.

Once they were finally reunited, neither of them could be bothered to try to hide their feelings any longer, with mixed responses from the rest of the survivors.

As expected Mrs Weasley was appalled, both due to the fact that Harry’s partner was a man and due to the fact that it was _that_ man. Still, she couldn’t hate the man that did everything to protect what he considered almost as her own son, so she merely threatened that Sirius better do his best to make Harry happy _or else_.

Ron and Hermione were used to it by then, while some other of his friends were confused and somewhat perturbed. Both Ginny and George seemed to find it quite funny, and so did Luna (who was still convinced that he was Stubby Boardman’s alternate persona).

As for the rest of the Wizarding world, neither Harry nor Sirius could be bothered to care so they did their best to ignore any and all rumours and murmurs. Rita Skeeter of course went crazy with the story, like she did with Dumbledore, especially after Harry refused to be available for any interview.

As much as Harry had grown to like Grimmauld Place, Sirius admitted he would never feel fully at home there and wished to get away, tired of feeling his family’s shadow wherever he looked. Therefore they eventually sold a large part of the objects that Mundungus had not managed to steal as well as the house itself, looking for a new place that could comfortably fit three people now that Teddy would be living with them.

They even thought of running off somewhere else for a while, so that Harry in particular could get away from the spotlight. He never had been a fan of the attentions and fame his name got him, so he would have wanted for nothing more than to hide from it all and come back when everyone had forgotten about him, but that would probably take much far too long and they figured that it would be best if Teddy could interact with the other children as he grew up. He seemed particularly fond of Hugo and Rose, as well as of his “uncle” Ron who turned out to be remarkably good with children.

So they instead found a nice house, a bit secluded and carefully hidden so that no journalists could come knocking at their door uninvited, but close enough so that they could still visit everyone by bike, which was their preferred method of transportation. Harry secretly still preferred the feeling of flying a broomstick, but he still loved to drive with Sirius. Even now that he was angry with him, Harry couldn’t help but feel his heart beat faster as he sat down and felt Sirius hold on to him, waiting for him to take off.

As the lights of the city turned into bright, colourful strips below them and the wind whipped his face, the motor rumbling like a wild beast as he sped up, Harry could almost forget all of the broken promises, all of Sirius’s carelessness and lack of forethought, all of his half-arsed apologies and all the times he did exactly the same thing as if it was nothing.

In that moment there was nothing else but Sirius’s laughter in his ear as he dared him to go faster, and the grin Harry couldn’t hold back as he did so. Nothing else but his boyfriend's arms wrapped around his chest and how good they felt, how they made him feel loved and at home, like that was right where he should have been.

Maybe one day things would be different. Sirius would find a job too, or at least spend more time with Teddy and less outside drinking with his new and sometimes old friends, and Harry wouldn’t spend sleepless nights waking up from nightmares in which they were back in the War and wake up in an empty bed, terrified at the thought that his days with Sirius had only been a cruel dream and he’d been alone all along. Maybe Sirius would learn to talk to him instead of bottling things up, and maybe they'd both learn to have a discussion without turning it into a shouting match and without Sirius storming off to punch the nearest inanimate object until his anger subsided.

Harry didn’t know if they would. All he knew was that he still hoped for better, that he always thought together he and Sirius would find it.

He guessed “maybe” was enough for now.

 

 

_[I remember when we were driving, driving in your car,_ __  
_Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk,_ _  
_ _City lights lay out before us_

_And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder_ __  
_And I had a feeling that I belonged_ _  
_ _I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone...]_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I love this pairing and I like reading fluff about them every now and then, but realistically I can't see it ending up well. Sirius is too immature and Harry is too attached to him to be able to let go even when he should. Therefore when I saw the song amongst the prompts I almost immediately knew I wanted to write about them.
> 
> I hope you liked it! 
> 
> BTW I appreciate feedback and hearing what people think of my stories so if you did like it, or even if you didn't, feel free to leave a comment. It always makes my day and unless you prefer not to (please let me know!) I will always reply ^^


End file.
